The Good and the Bad

I’ve almost posted half a dozen incredibly depressing posts over the last week, only to have my introspection cut short by something that totally lifts (and changes) the mood. The First Presidency Christmas Devotional was a good example. I had had an awful day – bad enough that others IRL (in real life) started to notice – and I was writing a post titled “When I Want a Guy,” in reference to a guy at church who had somehow distracted me from multiple hours of worship. Depression, frustration, strI’ve almost posted half a dozen incredibly depressing posts over the last week, only to have my introspection cut short by something that totally lifts (and changes) the mood. The First Presidency Christmas Devotional was a good example. I had had an awful day – bad enough that others IRL (in real life) started to notice – and I was writing a post titled “When I Want a Guy,” in reference to a guy at church who had somehow distracted me from multiple hours of worship. Depression, frustration, stress, and a strong unwanted attraction for another guy – definitely strong emotions to put on paper. But as soon as the Mormon Tabernacle Choir began to sing, everything began to change. I felt a wave of peace, I forgot about the guy who had consumed my thoughts, my tears changed from despair to hope, and I knew I couldn’t write on that topic anymore. So I used Twitter and logged some of my thoughts. If you didn’t see the devotional, it’s worth watching, period. You can see it at LDS.org. Especially amazing were the clips from the new Bible films the Church is creating – they only have scriptural quotes as script – no filler lines… just images that allow you to feel the Spirit and know what is happening… and are magnificent.

It happened again as I sat on the outskirts of a social activity, frustrated with myself, when someone came up to me and began to outline, slowly and honestly, the things they admired in me. I felt, in that moment, like God really was watching out for me, because this person that I don’t even know well prays for me… and I know that God hears and answers prayers.

More depression met with a letter from someone sharing a powerful success story and the joy of reading about his ability to move forward, more frustration met with people who stopped and honestly asked if was ok and what could they do to help me in my life. If only I knew. But, together, it meant that every time I felt at the bottom of my game, there was someone there to raise me up… and for that I am incredibly grateful. Even in the bad times, the Lord finds ways to help me… to lift me and bless me and get me moving… and so I keep moving forward, one step at a time.

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