So My Life Is Awesome

A few comments have drawn my attention to the fact that some of my posts have bemoaned the rejection, betrayal, feeling ignored and misunderstood and everything else that happens in my life. And the comments are pretty accurate – I mean, looking at the facet of my life that appears here on (Gay) Mormon Guy, the last two months have been pretty rough. But I hope that in each of the posts it’s obvious that, while my life may be incredibly painful in one aspect, in most aspects my life is awesome. Continue reading So My Life Is Awesome

Bigoted, Hateful, and Homophobic

Last night I felt like I had been run over by a half dozen emotional Mack trucks. Part of me wished their human masquerade could disappear, and they really had been trucks… and then they could have seen the damage. But not… it’s just hard when… I know my emotional needs are way beyond what they’re willing to give. I’ve rewritten this paragraph five times because part of me wants to label them, and everyone else in the world who doesn’t understand, as cal Continue reading Bigoted, Hateful, and Homophobic

Chemical Cycles, Depression, Anxiety, Temptation…

I can always tell when I’m slipping in my writing skills – the follower count goes readily down as people realize they don’t want to see me in their feed reader anymore. Hopefully with time I’ll get better.This morning I woke up and felt like life was awesome. Within an hour I felt like the world was going to fall in on me. Two hours later, I was on top of the world again, and then another hour and I wanted time just to go away. The next 4 hours were awesome, then followed by the worst l Continue reading Chemical Cycles, Depression, Anxiety, Temptation…

Rant: Cognitive Dissonance

I’m usually a pretty cool-blooded person. But this is one topic that sometimes makes my blood boil. Right now I’m cool since I’m totally high on workout adrenaline. But anyway. The topic is cognitive dissonance. It’s when actions don’t align with beliefs, or beliefs don’t align with knowledge. It manifests itself with the choice between exclusive principles – only one of which is based completely in the knowledge that underlies the relevant moral values. Continue reading Rant: Cognitive Dissonance

Winds of Change… on Top of the World

So either life is going to get really, really bad very soon, or this is a rollover blessing from last week’s pain. Either way, the last few days have been awesome. Nothing really life-changing has happened – the guys who seemed to hate me before still avoid me, and life continues in the same flow… but it feels different. I feel like I could run to the top of the mountain and back down again, shout the gospel from the housetops, and do anything at all without fear or looking back.But al Continue reading Winds of Change… on Top of the World

Even as Frogs

A few years ago Disney produced a film called “The Princess and the Frog” – an adaptation of the fairy tale The Frog Prince. The film wasn’t a smashing success; I don’t even remember hearing much about it when it first came out in theaters. But recently I watched it with my ever-present lens of how it applies to my life, and that movie will never be the same.In most Disney films the romance is strikingly one-sided. Beautiful princess falls for thief, servant, beast, etc… Or handsome pr Continue reading Even as Frogs

Never Again

I’ve tried hundreds of things to clear my mind when temptations or thoughts come uninvited. But for some reason I can him my favorite hymn and the thoughts are still there – and refuse to go away. I try to sing one hymn and think the words of a second, and they are still there… and then I add a third hymn, which consumes all my brain power, effectively debilitating myself temporarily from doing anything, and the thoughts disappear… Until I stop singing.That works when I can affo Continue reading Never Again