“Be Yourself:” the 8th Day of Christmas

A few weeks ago my social life was falling apart. I have never had good friends my age who understand me and stay an active part of my life. I find someone that maybe could fit part of that role, and then they decide to move a thousand miles away, life moves us apart in time and place, or they turn to me one day and tell me to get lost. Don’t get me wrong – I have amazing mentors and role models and leaders who will do anything for me – but it’s not the same. I’ve never had friends my age for lo Continue reading “Be Yourself:” the 8th Day of Christmas

New Year’s Peace: the 7th Day of Christmas

I woke up this morning to an incredible feeling of peace. For a moment, everything seemed to fall into place and life went into perfect perspective. And while today has been full of things to do, the feeling of peace and complete lack of stress has stayed – softly playing in the background as I respond to emails, run errands, and talk with friends about the rigors of life.It’s a somewhat unique feeling for me. Most of the time I obsess about my life. I’m probably an undiagnosed perfectio Continue reading New Year’s Peace: the 7th Day of Christmas

A New Year’s Prayer: the 6th Day of Christmas

From the darkness of my sorrow, dearest Father, bring me light.Help me change and become better as I try to choose the right.Dry my tears and ease my pain when I am crying in the night and feel alone; please help me feel Thy love.In the place of hatred, give me love.For sadness, give me peace.And from my trials and temptations give me hope to find release…While I toil through affliction help me Continue reading A New Year’s Prayer: the 6th Day of Christmas

Golden Rings: the 5th Day of Christmas

Every person in my life wants me to be happily married… Which means that they each try to set me up with girls they’ve (usually) randomly and casually met. Girls who happen to work at the temple that they are visiting out of town. Girls who might be in Utah for at least 1 day of vacation. Girls who they have never even met – only heard about when a family came to visit their ward and mentioned that they had a female family member within 10 years of my age.Don’t get me wrong. I absolute Continue reading Golden Rings: the 5th Day of Christmas

Spiritual Paradox: the 4th Day of Christmas

I like to have all the right answers. But today a guy asked me a question that made my blood run chill. “What would you do if God commanded you to find a husband?”I told him I honestly didn’t know, and the conversation shifted to safer topics. I tried to convince myself that God couldn’t do such a thing, as it went against everything I had ever known to be true. But in the back of my mind I wondered about my unanswered question. What would I do? As I t Continue reading Spiritual Paradox: the 4th Day of Christmas

Fitting In: The 3rd Day of Christmas

I stick out. Everywhere I go. Really. Except for the temple, I’ve never found a place where I really feel like I belong. I go to family gatherings and feel like the black sheep. But then I’ve felt like a black sheep everywhere – church, school, work, the mission, with groups of friends, even going out on dates with girls who like me. And it’s not an in-my-head-oh-no-everyone-is-watching-me kind of sticking out; in my case, everyone (no exceptions so far) aroun Continue reading Fitting In: The 3rd Day of Christmas

Dreams on the 2nd Day of Christmas…

I’ve had two dreams for as long as I can remember. Dreams that fill my sleep and haunt my days… and whose lilting, vagrant melodies make me question whether I will ever see their fruition. Inside my heart, I know they will happen someday, but until then I work and wait and pray.The first dream is of love. I wish I were in love… hopelessly and completely in love with a girl who loved me in return. I wish I could shower her with gifts, talk late into the night… I’d even be willing to Continue reading Dreams on the 2nd Day of Christmas…